We gets lots of cricket here. A sports bar will be playing some combo of cricket, rugby or futbol when we walk in. Rugby’s a blast to watch — it’s U.S. football without masks, pads or Tony Romo. Futbol is futbol — you like it or you don’t.

Then there’s cricket. I’ve watched parts of a few matches. And that’s led me to a reasonable and evidence-backed conclusion: Cricket is pretty much made up on the spot. Has the ball bounced off the edge of that flat wooden bat, and bounced to the right corner of the sandy area where the action takes place? We in cricket call that a “arm ball.” And we call that flat wooden bat a “beamer” and the right corner “the Doosra.”

At least this time. Next play — if we decide to call it a “play” — we’ll call them “the dropsy bout,” “hookly-too” and “the manx” respectively. Us Americans won’t know the difference. The Brit and Indian guys over the corner just exchanged high-fives. Or whatever cricketers call that.

A Brit friend of ours can give or take cricket but loves listening to cricket sportscasts. That’s often because they have very little to do with cricket. Listen to cricket broadcasters lose their shit over a double entendre from the phrase “a leg over” (a Britishism for gettin’ busy) and an unfortunate fishing metaphor.